We all have people in our lives: our family, friends, partners, and co-workers, and as much as they can make us feel happy and connected, our relationships with them can sometimes be tough and hurt more than they’re supposed to. But that’s just part of life. 

So, when do things go too far? How can we tell if our relationships are good or bad for us?

Healthy relationships are based on things like respect, trust, communication, and equality. They make us feel good and help us grow, reduce stress, boost our self-esteem and happiness.

These can be found in romantic partners who hear out each other’s sexual boundaries friends who listen and have fun together, family members who love and respect each other, and co-workers who collaborate and appreciate each other’s skills.

Some more examples of how healthy relationships can look in our modern world:

• A couple who stays connected when they’re apart, sending each other messages or calls each other to share their day;
• Friends who have a group chat where they share memes, jokes, and updates on their lives, and plan fun activities to do together;
• Family members who stay in touch and share photos and updates, and make an effort to have regular video calls or visits;
• Co-workers who use collaboration tools to work together on projects, share ideas, and give feedback, while also making time for virtual or in-person team building activities.

When does it become unhealthy? Some signs of unhealthy relationships include one person trying to control the other person’s life through intimidation or manipulation, a lack of trust, and emotional abuse such as humiliation, belittling, and intimidation. If you notice these signs in your relationship, it may be time to seek help and support. Remember that everyone deserves to be treated with basic respect and kindness.

Some present-day examples of unhealthy relationships can be seen in:

• Couples who control or monitor each other by checking each other’s messages or social media accounts without permission. See: 11 Relationship Red Flags That Are Commonly Overlooked;
• Friends who use social media to spread rumors, gossip, or bully each other, or who exclude each other from group chats or activities;
• Family members who threaten to share private information or photos online;
• Co-workers who undermine or sabotage each other by sending negative emails or messages about each other to colleagues or superiors, or stealing credit for each other’s work.

A telltale sign is if you often feel more bad than good when you’re together, the relationship may need some healing. It takes work, but by talking openly, being respectful, trusting each other, supporting each other, and having a good time together, you can build great relationships with the people you care about.

Otherwise, if there’s no compromise, it’s also important to know that healing can happen on your own. Sometimes, taking a break from a relationship or ending it altogether can be the healthiest choice for the people involved.